The Brain It On! Podcast

Finding Strength in Vulnerability: Thomas' Transplant Birthday

• Lindsey Kealey • Season 1 • Episode 2

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Join us as we discuss the power of vulnerability and self-compassion. We'll explore how these qualities can help us navigate life's toughest challenges, drawing inspiration from the insightful work of Brené Brown and Kristin Neff. We'll share updates on Thomas' cancer journey, highlighting his resilience and the role of vulnerability and self-compassion in his healing process after his bone marrow transplant. 

Key Takeaways:

  • Vulnerability as a Strength: We'll discuss how vulnerability, often misunderstood as a weakness, is actually a courageous act that can lead to deeper connections.
  • The Science of Vulnerability: We'll explore the neurological underpinnings of vulnerability, understanding how our brains respond to emotional openness and the factors that influence our ability to be vulnerable.
  • Practicing Self-Compassion: We'll discuss the importance of self-compassion, especially during challenging times, and provide practical tips on how to cultivate this essential skill.

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Lindsey :

Your brain is the powerhouse behind your life. On this podcast, we explore strategies to strengthen your connections, build resilience and navigate life's ups and downs, with a focus on brain health.

Thomas:

Discover how understanding and caring for your brain can transform your relationships and empower you to face any challenge with confidence.

Lindsey :

Get ready to Brain it On. I'm Lindsay, an instructor of education and human development.

Thomas:

And I'm Thomas, a registered nurse.

Lindsey :

And welcome to Brain it On In this episode. We're talking about finding strength and vulnerability, and we're going to talk about how vulnerability is a measure of courage and think about how we can practice self-compassion on the hardest of days. So, to begin, we are going to start our episodes with something I think we're going to call it a health highlight. We were brainstorming names. Cancer Recap just didn't have the inspiring positive.

Thomas:

The double H. So health highlights Always go with alliteration if you can.

Lindsey :

Honestly, we would structure all of our meals around that. Waffle Wednesday spaghetti Sunday taco Tuesday.

Thomas:

We can't have pizza on a Tuesday. It's taco Tuesday. It has to be.

Lindsey :

I know, if only a day of the week started with a P.

Thomas:

That would really make that would be my day of the week.

Lindsey :

It would, I feel like, because there isn't a day that starts with a P, we just have pizza very frequently.

Thomas:

It actually worked out better, huh.

Lindsey :

Depending on how you look at it. So we are going to start with a health highlight, which is kind of briefly sharing about where things are at with Thomas' cancer journey.

Thomas:

Yes, and since the last time we recorded, I have actually had my bone marrow transplant, and so that entailed what culturally they call my new birthday here.

Lindsey :

So happy birthday Thomas.

Thomas:

Thank you. Thank you, yeah, they call your new transplant day your new birthday and initially it was supposed to be on the 22nd and we had planned on that and everything was going according to plan. But that morning they let us know oh, actually there's been a delay with your stem cells and apparently it's something that happens pretty often. It's nothing detrimental.

Lindsey :

It's not uncommon.

Thomas:

Not uncommon. But I didn't know that. So in my mind I was just like, oh my gosh, that's very anxious. So I just went back to bed and Lindsay, who is the question queen, I let you talk with them about it, and after I woke up the next time, you guys had it all figured out and let me know. Okay, yeah, it's fine. These stem cells can have anywhere from 48 to 72 hours on them and they're just as effective and so. But the doctor said that I actually get three birthdays because I had two day zeros, which is the days you're supposed to get your cells transplanted. So I have the 22nd and the 23rd, and so she seems to know what she's talking about. I'm not going to argue with someone with that many degrees, her saying that I have three birthdays. I think we'll just have to go with that.

Lindsey :

I like it, We'll go with that. That means three separate birthday presents, I think too.

Thomas:

Yes, definitely.

Lindsey :

And three parties.

Thomas:

Of course, all right, I don't like the rules, I like to decorate, so I'm actually totally fine with that.

Lindsey :

So yeah, I mean we're going through the week of having a bone marrow transplant. It's a big week. Not only do you have the day where the transfusion happens with the transplant, but you also have the chemotherapy that starts right after that.

Lindsey :

And the chemotherapy is acting as an immunosuppressant, so that way the new immune system is kind of not clashing with your current immune system. So there's some drugs that they put on board to make sure that everything goes smoothly and one of the side effects is mucositis, which is really uncomfortable in your mouth. Is mucositis, which is really uncomfortable in your mouth.

Thomas:

If you're unfamiliar with mucositis, the mucous membrane can be broken down and the gist of it is kind of like if you've ever fallen asleep outside in the sun, gotten a sunburn, and then all that skin starts to peel away. It's more or less like that, but it's in you and so it's not super fun. They've been great about symptom management here and helping me out, but it's one of the less fun things about symptom management in regards to that. So not only is it the radiation that I did last week that contributes to that, but the ongoing chemotherapy also does that, and so we've been kind of dealing with that, and it kind of makes it a little harder to talk. So if it sounds like it's a little tougher for me to enunciate well or what have you, that's because I'm kind of shedding the inside of my mouth.

Lindsey :

Your mouth has sunburned, my mouth has a sunburn and it's shedding, so we're podcast binge recording today. We're going to try to get as many episodes as we can, all based on your comfort level. And this is like. This is Thomas saying hey, I want to record today.

Lindsey :

I want to hop on the podcast and record while I can. In the coming days it might get harder to talk, as our doctor told us, and so this is all Thomas directed saying hey, I want to capture some of my thoughts and some things we're learning right now.

Thomas:

Strike, while the iron's hot, you know.

Lindsey :

Exactly so in terms of that health highlight. We now know that Thomas has three, three birthdays. I decorated the room so it said happy birthday and um made it, you know, tried to make it feel special, which was really fun.

Thomas:

We still have the decorations up I don't know what's the social acceptable amount of time where you can keep decorations up um, I'm just gonna let you keep them up as long as we feel like it I like it if I'm getting chemotherapy, then I demand to keep my decorations up.

Lindsey :

I think, okay, I think that means five or six more days. That sign's going to stay above your bed. We also learned that your donor is from Germany.

Thomas:

Yeah, this is very interesting. Yeah, apparently most donors are from Europe and so I think there's a whole two-year anonymity period where we can and we also know it's a 21-year-old girl, or we can send letters and whatever and say thank you, and we just can't share any of our personal information.

Lindsey :

So we can't share our podcast link with her.

Thomas:

No.

Lindsey :

The picture of our face on the cover of it. Yeah, that's probably not going to be good.

Thomas:

In two years, though if she wants to hear about it, she'll get to.

Lindsey :

We're excited about going to Europe and going to Germany they talked about. Sometimes people will go and visit their donor and I think we're just so excited about going to Europe and going to Germany that we'll go regardless. We'll just go visit.

Thomas:

Yeah, she wants nothing to do with us. We're just going to go to Germany anyways.

Lindsey :

We're not going to like stalk her and, like you know, try to find her house, but we'll this is the land from whence my cells came.

Thomas:

Yeah, it's your heritage. We'll go sit there.

Lindsey :

It was really funny when the doctor I think it was either the doctor or your amazing transplant nurse asked you okay, thomas, how are you feeling? Because they check in every 15 minutes and then every 30 minutes after transplant happens. They said how are you feeling, thomas?

Thomas:

Do you remember what you said?

Lindsey :

All right, I feel like eating a breakfast and going clubbing with my friends Because of his 21-year-old German donor. So that was his.

Thomas:

Now I have the sass of a 21-year-old German girl too.

Lindsey :

I have noticed a little more sass.

Thomas:

And better fashion sense.

Lindsey :

That too. You know what it's all coming together, it makes sense my outfit's popping today I don't know if you noticed that too.

Thomas:

You know what it's all coming together. It makes sense my outfit's popping today.

Lindsey :

I hope you noticed and we're actually going to talk about outfits and clothing a little bit later. But transitioning to kind of our thesis for this podcast is even in our hardest moments, like your transplant, like dealing with mucositis and the really awful things that happen with cancer side effects, with your treatment, even in those hard moments, vulnerability and self-compassion are not signs of weakness but rather really powerful tools that can help us navigate life's toughest challenges.

Lindsey :

So, that's what we're going to be thinking about and talking about today, because vulnerability, once you can name it and once you recognize, okay, this is what's happening, this is what we're experiencing it's really liberating and it's actually a huge source of strength when you look at it that way. When I was talking about vulnerability and pulling up some quotes, or pulling up the definition of vulnerability, you said, oh, we have to use the quote from Elf. I'm like the quote from Elf.

Lindsey :

The Elf quote Ah, yes, that's when they're in the conference room, one of the most quotable movies ever.

Thomas:

There's just so many quotes in that movie.

Lindsey :

We have to watch it every Christmas for sure. They say that you know, the one writer is like it's Miles Finch's notebook. This thing is chock full of genius ideas. I mean, look at that.

Thomas:

There's best ideas about a peach that lives on a farm.

Lindsey :

What's more vulnerable than a peach? So, what is more vulnerable than a peach?

Thomas:

Nothing.

Lindsey :

Nothing, apparently, that's the most vulnerable thing.

Thomas:

Peach on a farm is the most vulnerable thing. That's the gold standard for vulnerability, that it is.

Lindsey :

When you look up just the actual definition, if you look at Merriam-Webster's definition a just the actual definition. If you look at Merriam-Webster's definition, a, couple ones that come up are number one vulnerable is being capable of being physically or emotionally wounded, Okay. And number two open to attack or damage. So vulnerable to criticism is one of the things that pops up. And even looking at the etymology, vulnerable comes from a Latin word meaning to wound or a wound, and so, wow, I mean reading those two definitions, it does not make vulnerability sound like a good thing.

Thomas:

I mean reading those two definitions. It does not make vulnerability sound like a good thing. No, I don't think Webster's got the social-emotional definition quite Not quite yet. We're changing the face of vulnerability day to time.

Lindsey :

Yeah, we're going to make it a lot better.

Thomas:

Culturally, it's becoming more and more of a thing where we're realizing oh, vulnerability actually is a good thing, it is. I understand the medieval definitions we have.

Lindsey :

Yes, certainly makes a lot of sense. We had an amazing nurse the other day who we were talking about. I don't even know what we were talking about. I'm like, oh, what interests you? And this nurse said I'm really interested in vulnerability and shame and these different topics. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I want to nerd out with you so much I love nerding out about shame and vulnerability.

Lindsey :

Instant best friends yeah we're besties now and Brene Brown is truly the shame researcher and vulnerability researcher who's amazing University of Texas. We'll put some links to some of her TED Talks. She has a Netflix series or Netflix show, an HBO series. But according to her research, the way she defines it, she says that vulnerability is the birthplace of courage and there is no courage without vulnerability. So to really to be truly courageous, one must be willing to be vulnerable, which can look like showing up and being seen, despite the potential risks of being judged or rejected. And in this context, you know she sees vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness, and considers it the most accurate measure of courage, which is really inspiring.

Thomas:

Yeah.

Lindsey :

So it's not like, oh, vulnerability is weakness when we look at it. I mean, she's done a ton of research exploring vulnerability and the examples that she lists and examples of people being vulnerable in the research include something like admitting mistakes. When you share a personal struggle, asking for help is a big one. I feel like when you're in the hospital it's hard. I think that's vulnerable, that we both are vulnerable when we ask for help, like when, I say can you please put my almond milk away?

Lindsey :

And I have. You know I use the call light and I mean these nurses are dealing with so many hard things and people in pain and I'm asking someone to chill my you know, organic almond milk that it's vulnerable to ask for, for help in those small ways, um, and so yeah, asking for help is a big one that can be a very vulnerable thing.

Lindsey :

Um expressing feelings like sadness or fear, falling in love without guarantees. Um saying I love you like you know, saying I think you said I love you first in our relationship. Did I? I believe so and I there were so many times like something I would do. There were so many times when I wanted to say it, but it was such a vulnerable thing. We were actually watching the lego movie. Do you remember that?

Lindsey :

and then you turned to me and you said I love you and I know I was watching the lego movie with you and I didn't want to watch it, but I was watching it because you wanted to.

Thomas:

It was very important at the time that we did that For some reason.

Lindsey :

So I think that just inspired you, just to share that you loved me, filled my heart with love.

Thomas:

Did you say it back, though I?

Lindsey :

did Nice Very quickly.

Thomas:

Nice.

Lindsey :

Oh, yes, it happened.

Thomas:

Called everyone I knew.

Lindsey :

And then taking a risk like public speaking or even admitting if you don't know something. So those are some examples where, basically, you're exposing yourself to potential judgment or rejection by being open and authentic.

Thomas:

Right and I think looking at the research, it's all pretty clear. But it is just so counterintuitive to what you would feel like the average human. You know vulnerability. I think if you ask the average person off the street who hasn't heard this research or hasn't heard the definition framed in this way, would say, yeah, vulnerability is a bad thing. Yeah, like vulnerability opens you up to again getting hurt or rejected or all that. But the fact that they're doing all these studies and looking at what your brain is doing too during this time I mean with your limbic brain and your prefrontal cortex and making the conscious decision to be vulnerable, allows yourself to be open. You know in your heart of hearts, to connect with others and really make some valuable connections.

Lindsey :

I'm glad you went there. Are we ready? Are we ready to nerd out on the brain science?

Thomas:

Let's nerd out.

Lindsey :

I love it, we should have some kind of sound effect that's like ding, and because you said- Because you said prefrontal cortex that means it's brain time. We're working on our transitions.

Thomas:

We'll get a gong or something. Oh, yes, a gong.

Lindsey :

Okay, we'll work on that. But here are the parts of the brain that have activity when you're being emotionally vulnerable. So your amygdala you have increased amygdala activity. So this is the part of your brain that plays a role in processing emotions like fear and threat. So when you're feeling vulnerable, this area can be more active. It's like your security guard. So this can lead to heightened awareness of potential risks or negative feedback.

Lindsey :

You can also misinterpret someone's cues. Like maybe, if someone has a certain expression because your amygdala is having this activity, you could interpret that expression as oh, they hate what I'm saying. Right, it's the story that Brene Brown says, the story making up is they really disliked what I said. So, cause, your brain's kind of on, your amygdala is on high alert there. Your hippocampal engagement, your hippocampus this is the part of your brain that's important for memory and for context. So when you're being vulnerable, your hippocampus might be more engaged in recalling past experiences that could influence your emotional state. So if you have really good associations with being vulnerable, your hippocampus that part of your brain that has memory it's like oh, I'm being vulnerable, this is good, so you have more positive emotions. But if you have been vulnerable and said I love you and the person's like eee.

Thomas:

Cool story.

Lindsey :

Yeah, actually, what do you want to do for lunch? Or if you have experiences?

Thomas:

This is Star Wars. I love you, I know Okay that's a great point.

Lindsey :

Wars, I love you. I know that's okay. That's, that's a great, great point. So when thomas had his last day of radiation, his last round, we wore our matching star wars shirts and we got these from disney world and his has han solo and it says or no, I had, I had leia and this is I love you.

Lindsey :

And his shirt says I know, which is pretty funny. So, yes, that is that. That's a very good example. But, yeah, your memories and your associations with being vulnerable really impacts when you get into that state. Again, you mentioned the prefrontal cortex. So in the prefrontal cortex this is the part of your brain it's in the front, behind your forehead that's responsible for executive function and your decision making. So it actually might show decreased activity when you feel vulnerable, which could impact your ability to regulate emotions and thoughts. So if you're kind of being vulnerable, your amygdala is firing, you're on heightened security. You might not be in that ability to have that decision making forming cohesive thoughts and concepts, but again, it really depends on your past experience. Last thing is your neurotransmitter release. So there's the hormone called oxytocin, often known as the hug drug or the love drug.

Lindsey :

It's associated with bonding and trust, so oxytocin can be produced in your brain Really good feelings when you're vulnerable. It can be this positive bonding experience and you have this rush of oxytocin, or you can have cortisol, which is that stress hormone and that can be released in the situation, depending on the situation, that is influencing the overall emotional experience of being vulnerable. There are two more things I want to share about influencing factors with the brain with being vulnerable. Number one are your past experiences. If you've experienced trauma or situations where vulnerability led to negative outcomes, experienced trauma or situations where vulnerability led to negative outcomes, maybe you were ridiculed, maybe a friendship or relationship changed or ended your brain could be more sensitive to potential threats when you're feeling vulnerable, or it could be the opposite. I am super blessed that Thomas and I both watched Brené Brown's Netflix special this morning. It's your second time watching it.

Thomas:

I think it was my second time.

Lindsey :

I think it's my third or fourth time watching it. You and I both love vulnerability, we love talking about emotions, so for us we have a lot of really positive experiences, hence us recording an episode about this. And there's also social context. So when you feel safe and supported in a relationship, that can really mitigate the negative aspects of vulnerability that one might feel, because it's activating the brain regions that are associated with reward and connection. So, ultimately, there are individual differences. People naturally vary in their levels of emotional sensitivity, which is going to impact how your brain responds to vulnerability sensitivity which is going to impact how your brain responds to vulnerability.

Lindsey :

Here are some things that we can do. When we're saying you know what, yes, I want to be vulnerable, I'm inspired by Brene Brown and this podcast because it's transformative. I know that my brain might have kind of a fear response. It might be hard to do, but it is possible to get comfortable with it. Here's some practical steps that you can take to be more vulnerable. Number one recognize your courage so you can acknowledge. You know what. It takes a lot of courage to face vulnerability. I'm not being weak, I'm being really courageous when I'm being vulnerable. See it in a really positive way. Second thing I'm being vulnerable. See it in a really positive way. Second thing take small steps. You can start by taking really tiny steps to get more comfortable with this concept of being vulnerable.

Thomas:

Asking for help. Imagine someone just goes totally to the wall with it. I was vulnerable and Lindsay told me to be completely vulnerable and everything crumbled around me. My life crumbled around me.

Lindsey :

I started telling people about all of my trauma. I told the pizza guy.

Thomas:

All about my childhood and my aces.

Lindsey :

There's definitely. You want to go slow. You want to make sure that the context and the people you're sharing with are safe. So that's really important and you know, be proud of yourself that's another thing. Be proud of yourself and your bravery when you take those steps of being vulnerable. The next thing is letting go of worrying about others. So stop worrying about what others think of you. I think that's one of the biggest things is to not worry about what other people think. I am practicing. I'm walking the walk with this today because right now it is 1.45 in the afternoon and I'm wearing pajama pants.

Thomas:

More power to you.

Lindsey :

Thank you. This is not by choice. This is because I have not done laundry since we have come to the hospital, so I went down to the ninth floor of the hospital. I'm walking around talking to people and I'm acutely aware of the fact that I am wearing pajama pants because I need to do laundry.

Thomas:

Well, you and half of the people at Walmart right now are on the same boat.

Lindsey :

Those are my people now.

Thomas:

Those are your people now. Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

Lindsey :

Suspending judgment and be like you know what. I'm not going to worry about what other people think. And there's something that I believe it was Dr Amen who's I mean talk about someone who's into the brain. That's like the all-time brain researcher. He does brain scans and he talked about the 1840-60 rule.

Thomas:

Yeah, that sounds familiar. What was that?

Lindsey :

again. We've talked about this like before. We go into like a party and we're both feeling like not in our best social outgoing modes. Um the fort, or let's say I believe it's the 1840. 60 means when you're 18 years old, you really care what people think and you think that everyone's thinking about you like oh my gosh, they're judging my clothes. I guess I'm 31. Am I 31 or 32? 31. So, apparently, at 31, I'm still like I'm 18.

Thomas:

Well, I doubt she was the lower number.

Lindsey :

I was thinking about people thinking about my pants. There you go. So 18, you think everyone's thinking about you. When you're 40, you realize you know I don't really care about what people think, Like it really doesn't bother me, I don't really care. And then, when you're 60, you realize people haven't been thinking about you all this time, right, Like everyone's really focused on themselves.

Thomas:

No one else was thinking about it at all, anyway it was kind of in your head.

Lindsey :

Yeah, so we can let go of worrying about what other people think.

Thomas:

Nice.

Lindsey :

I think that's pretty good. Be seen, let yourself be seen yeah.

Thomas:

I think that's pretty good. Be seen, let yourself be seen. Yeah, and we were listening to a song the other day. We were talking about just how cool the lyrics were and we were sitting over in the family room. It's a Toby Mac song and the lyrics, for the chorus at least, are we've got to find ways to show up and choose love. We've come a long way. We've got a long ways to go just to the next right thing, but just that first part of just showing up, showing up and then choosing love, allowing yourself to be seen, that's half the battle. Right there is just showing up, whatever that looks like in that situation.

Lindsey :

Like you showing up and wanting to record an episode. I mean, talking is uncomfortable because of your mouth and it's just a hard time right now and so we actually recorded an episode the day of his bone marrow transplant. He was tired, but his mouth didn't hurt at that point. And so I mean you had all this, this I mean significantly more energy than you have now but we hopped on the mic, we recorded. It was like this awesome, if we do say so ourselves, 35 minutes of recording.

Thomas:

It was the best 35 minutes ever recorded in all of history, of all the podcast history but no one will ever know, because there was a buzzing sound or something in the background that we plugged one of the cords in all the way, so I spent like hours trying to fix it and like trying different filters to take out the buzz.

Lindsey :

Did not work. But all that to say is that night we recorded an episode. Unfortunately, it will not be aired.

Thomas:

Never see the light of day.

Lindsey :

The sound quality was not good, but that was a time when you felt like you were ready to record Today's, a day where you're like I am not feeling it, but I want to do it. I want to get this information out there, which is just so courageous to me, so I just had to take a moment to share that. Well, thanks, I see you.

Thomas:

Just building me up, making me feel so good inside.

Lindsey :

I would say one of the last things that's important when you're like, okay, I want to be vulnerable, I want to do this, is to be self-compassionate as you start to, you know, be more mindful and aware of. Okay, what am I feeling right now? Like I want it, I'm going to be seen today, but am I feeling exhausted? Am I feeling kind of scared about something in my life and maybe I share that with someone, or I, you know, kind of put it out on the line and then it's not received? Well, how can you show compassion towards yourself, regardless of what someone says or how they receive you when you're showing up? How can you treat yourself like you would treat your best friend? I think that's the best way of describing self-compassion.

Thomas:

Yeah for sure, best friend. I think that's the best way of describing self-compassion.

Thomas:

Yeah for sure, and I don't think any of our defaults are to talk to ourselves as if we are talking to our best friend we're all our own harshest judges, totally. But to think about sitting yourself aside and be like, hey, it's all right, it's all good, I know you're having a rough day or like I know that this happened and maybe this could have been better, but you're all good, you got this. I feel like the compassion we share and have the capacity for in our hearts is so often shared with those that we love. But it really is tricky to apply that to yourself, especially in the moments where you're feeling discouraged because our emotions are so big, you know, and our limbic brain is, you know, overtaking our prefrontal cortex and some big feelings or whatnot. Yeah, we, you know, those are the times we really need to, you know, be kind to ourselves and have self-compassion, but, yeah, those are the hardest times to do it.

Lindsey :

I totally agree. It's those moments where you know our brain is turning on us, right that amygdala. You know, I'm going to keep you safe when you identify yourself as you know, keep, I'm going to keep you safe. When you identify yourself as the threat, like I messed up, then you're treating your, you're attacking yourself in a way, speaking of self-compassion. I have an example that I know you. You heard it the first time. You heard it when we were recording. It was new to you, but it's the story about the pudding. The pudding story oh yes, the pudding incident of 2024. The pudding story oh yes, the pudding incident of 2024.

Thomas:

Do tell, tell us about the pudding incident of 2024 again.

Lindsey :

It really is not that great. But it was Thomas's transplant day and Thomas really wanted tapioca pudding and flan. Those were like heavy on his mind. And you told me very early in the day and I'm like, okay, I have plenty of time to go to Fred Meyer grab the pudding, make it back in plenty of time. But just, it's very, very common for me to not have the best time management. So I was running late and, you know, racing through Fred Meyer's with my shopping cart. We had a list of things to get and as I was driving back to the hospital I mean this is the biggest the last three months has all been leading to this day and your transplant happening and so I'm, you know, trying to navigate the streets in Portland. That can be kind of confusing.

Thomas:

Kind of the whole city is just a labyrinth A labyrinth, that Siri has a hard time.

Lindsey :

She takes me really weird ways sometimes. So I'm and I'm just having this negative self-talk. This, oh, I can't believe I'm late. You know, this is the one day I should be on time to something. I stopped and I thought, wow, okay, I need to be more self-compassionate.

Lindsey :

I'm going to take a breath and I'm going to talk to my friend and in the research you know Krista Neff talks about, you can give yourself a different name, like hey sister, or you know hey there, or hey hon, hey girl, hey girl, you could call yourself that. You could say your own name. I usually just say hey, you know what? I usually say I, but sometimes I say you. Anyway, I said you know what. This is a stressful day. Lindsay, you're doing the best that you can, you know. You're just showing up the best you can and we're going to make it. And he has a great medical team that's going to be there and helping him and we're just going to do the next right thing. We're just going to make it to this next intersection and we're going to park in the garage and go up. You know three different elevators, two elevators. It's kind of complicated to get to his room, but just being more self-compassionate and treating myself like I would treat a friend, I think that's really important.

Thomas:

So, was this an example of a time where it was hard to share that with yourself, that self-compassion, or were you able to kind of catch yourself and be like, oh, I feel like I'm maybe starting to not have the best self-talk, I'm going to intercede and jump in and do it.

Lindsey :

It was one of those moments where I was able to have the awareness in the moment. There's times where it's like, oh, I guess yesterday, right, it's like retrospective analysis, it's not in the moment of, ooh, I need to pivot and change. So it was one of those moments where I was like, okay, I'm going to pivot here.

Thomas:

Impressive. Yeah, hats off. Yeah, those are the toughest times to do something like that.

Lindsey :

I always think of friends when I say the word pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. So maybe next time you find yourself being critical of yourself and you're like, okay, I need to make a change. Just think of friends, Think of pivoting.

Thomas:

I say Pivot away. Well, I'm going to steal that. That's great.

Lindsey :

I like it Well. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Brain it On podcast. As you are, you know, driving home or walking your dog or folding laundry, maybe take a moment and think, okay, how can I be more vulnerable, how can I show up and maybe share what I'm feeling with someone? How can I tell them it's kind of a hard day for me? Or how can you ask someone for help, even though it's a challenge to do that?

Thomas:

Sharing needs Sharing needs.

Lindsey :

And finally, how can you practice some self-compassion when you mess up, when you're late on a pudding run on a very important day, how can you tell yourself it's okay and give yourself a little more grace? Before we leave, we'd like to say thank you to Thomas's OHSU medical team, thank you to the doctors and a special shout out to his transplant nurse who helped us that day, and a huge thank you to his donor in Germany. Thank you for being the donor and being the person who can help restart Thomas's immune system.

Thomas:

Awesome. Well, thank you so much, linz, it's been great chatting.

Lindsey :

All right, we will talk to you all soon.

Thomas:

Take care.

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Lindsey Kealey

Host
Head Shot

Thomas Kealey

Host

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