Even Darkness Must Pass: Navigating Setbacks with Hope

In this episode, Thomas and Lindsey take a deep dive into the lessons learned from J.R.R. Tolkien's epic saga, "The Two Towers," and how it resonates with their current journey. While Thomas is in remission from cancer, they've been navigating a new and challenging front: Graft Versus Host Disease (GVHD). Join them as they discuss the powerful "two towers" analogy, describing the experience of facing two major battles at once—the lingering threat of cancer and the active fight against GVHD.

Through personal stories of making time for therapy, creating an absurd ritual for Thomas's steroid cream application, and finding joy in the small things, Lindsey and Thomas offer powerful takeaways for anyone facing setbacks. This episode is a testament to the power of hope, the importance of finding humor in the absurd, and the resilience that comes from focusing on what you can control.

Key Learnings:

• Seek the Good in the World: Learn to find and cherish moments of joy, connection, and kindness, even in the midst of challenging times.
• Seek Absurdity: Embrace the illogical and ridiculous as an escape from a goal-driven life, and discover how laughter can bring true fun.
• Focus on What You Can Control: Find peace and a sense of progress by identifying and acting on the small areas where you have agency, even in overwhelming circumstances.

Resources & Mentions:

• How We Set Up Our Hospital Room for Long-Term Comfort & Healing | Hospital Hacks
• The Power of Fun by Katherine Price
• Connect with us on Instagram 📱
• Subscribe to our new YouTube channel for visuals from our journey, behind-the-scenes photos, and extra content! 🎥 

Call to Action:

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform! Share this episode with someone who needs a reminder of courage, faith, and enduring love today.

Transcript

Brain Health Introduction

Speaker 1 0:03

Your brain is the powerhouse behind your life. On this podcast, we explore strategies to strengthen your connections, build resilience and navigate life's ups and downs, with a focus on brain health.

Speaker 2 0:15

Discover how understanding and caring for your brain can transform your relationships and empower you to face any challenge with confidence.

Speaker 1 0:22

Get ready to brain it on. In today's episode, we're excited to continue our journey through Tolkien's epic saga, the Lord of the Rings. In our very first Lord of the Rings episode, we explored themes from the Fellowship of the Ring, and today we're diving into its powerful sequel, the Two Towers. This part of the epic saga delves into facing multiple distinct challenges simultaneously. A theme that has resonated deeply within our own journey through Thomas's cancer and now the new complexities that we're facing. We'll be sharing how the struggles and glimmers of hope within the Two Towers offers us guidance and strength as we navigate our current reality. Let's get started. Hey everyone, and welcome back to Brain it On. It's great to be back with you all as we continue our conversation.

Speaker 2 1:15

Yes, indeedy, we're continuing our exploration on how stories can illuminate our own journeys, and today we're diving into the second installment of JR Tolkien's epic saga, the Lord of the Rings, with the second book, which is the Two Towers.

Speaker 1 1:30

And for those of you who might be new or need a little refresher after Thomas's bone marrow transplant we were so hopeful for a smooth recovery back to home and bend.

Speaker 2 1:41

But, as we found, even when you're settling back into your so-called shire, but, as we found, even when you're settling back into your so-called shire, your journey can still unfold in unexpected ways.

Speaker 1 1:48

All right, I think that means it's time for our health.

Speaker 2 1:53

highlight Bam.

Speaker 1 1:55

As we've mentioned in previous episodes, Thomas's mom, Julie, is continuing on in her brave journey of going through pancreatic cancer. She's such an inspiration to us and a couple weeks ago, unfortunately, she broke her femur, which required an emergency hip surgery. So she's currently in the hospital recovering from a complication and hopefully will be discharged soon.

Speaker 2 2:22

Yeah, her attitude has been awesome and she's had a hope in the face of this major setback and we're just so inspired by her attitude through this whole little saga that she's gone through Talk about a whirlwind of a week.

Speaker 1 2:38

Yes. And now for your health highlights and things that have been going on in your journey, thomas. Now for your health highlights and things that have been going on in your journey, thomas. In June, we recorded an episode where we shared the incredible news that you were slash are fingers crossed officially in remission from cancer. It was truly a momentous occasion for us and we're still totally thrilled, so excited and hopeful. We also talked about our hope that your blood counts would recover and that you'd be able to resume oral chemo, and our medical team is continuing to monitor you for any potential relapse, and we're still hoping and praying for all of this to happen Not the relapse part, but the count recovery.

Speaker 2 3:17

Hey, wait a second.

Speaker 1 3:18

What we're hoping that your immune system will start to produce all the blood products you need, but we're still waiting on that. So in the meantime, you're continuing to get blood infusions. In a couple of weeks, you'll have another bone marrow biopsy and a lumbar puncture to recheck, to confirm that you're still in remission, which you totally are Just putting it out there. Heck, yeah.

Speaker 2 3:40

And at the end of June we went back to OHSU for an endoscopy. I've been having a tough time swallowing for the past eight or so months. It just feels like food gets stuck in my esophagus, like in my chest, and now I'm getting more persistent nausea. Lately my medical team wanted to take some biopsies of my stomach and esophagus so I got a good old EGD and they're looking for graft-versus-host disease or GVHD, to see if it was the culprit.

Speaker 1 4:07

The results posted the day after. Actually it was really fast the day after your endoscopy and we found out that you do not have GVHD of the gastrointestinal system and the initial endoscopy showed that there was a lot of inflammation and the doctor thought it was GVHD. So it was hard to sit with that, but then we were so thankful when we found out that wasn't the case the next day.

Speaker 2 4:30

Yeah, definitely, and I think my GI upsets due to a medication reaction and not GVHD, which wouldn't surprise me, since I take like 30 pills a day.

Speaker 1 4:41

It's a lot. I wish I were kidding. You are a pill-taking machine. I wish I exaggerated.

Speaker 2 4:47

So, yeah, we're just glad it's not GVHD, which can actually end up being like life-threatening.

Speaker 1 4:53

So I'll take a little bit of sticky esophagus from medication any day over that, and not only did we get the good news, but we also got some pretty good pictures of your stomach from the endoscopy report.

Speaker 2 5:06

Pretty good looking stomach too. I'd say Some pictures for our scrapbook or maybe Christmas cards this year.

Speaker 1 5:13

Right, I think the surgeon said he was going to use that line. After you said that we can put this on our Christmas card, he's like oh, I'm using that one. As we mentioned last time, this episode is going to dive deeper into GVHD. It's a new challenge in our journey, and one that we're still navigating with the help of a familiar story. Gvhd is a complication that can occur after transplant when your donor's immune cells recognize the recipient's body aka Thomas's body as foreign and start attacking it.

Speaker 2 5:46

Yeah, it's like my new immune system is a little too enthusiastic about cleaning house. In my case, it's primarily been affecting my skin, eyes and mouth, but thankfully not in my stomach or esophagus or my liver. It can attack your liver and create some really dangerous situations.

Speaker 1 6:04

So we'll take the skin. We're good with that.

Speaker 2 6:07

I can deal with a little rash and some cream that we have to rub on it. You know that's cool. I feel super fortunate that I don't have to go and get more super intense treatment whereas putting on some cream and taking some steroids and keeping it at bay in that sort of way.

Speaker 1 6:27

Yeah, I think Olga didn't like us saying that her immune system was not very active. We were kind of saying that she wasn't pulling her weight around here. I think she didn't appreciate that. So that's why your immune system started to kind of kick up. It started reacting to what was going on with being in a foreign place Not to say that's the scientific reason, but that's what we say. And it actually started kind of subtly though, didn't it? I remember you had this little rash appear under your right eye. That's kind of how it began.

Speaker 2 6:58

Yeah, it was just like a little tiny red patch, and what's interesting, though, is, when I saw it, the thought popped right into my head like huh, I bet that's GVHD.

Speaker 1 7:08

I was so hopeful that it wasn't.

Speaker 2 7:10

So I went out in the living room and showed you and yeah, I don't know if that is. It looks like maybe you just got a little bit of sun. Yeah, Then it spread to like the rest of my body. Yes, Like okay.

Speaker 1 7:21

Yeah, for a long time I felt like I was the girl who cried rash or the girl who cried GVHD I would send, as you mentioned. I almost got blocked on my chart by sending all these pictures of supposed GVHD rashes that I thought were there little baby ones after transplant and so I sent them my chart. They were probably thinking, oh, here we go, another message from Lindsay saying it's GVHD and it was. You know, I send them this picture of your whole body completely covered in a rash and they called like yep, come to Portland right away, we need to see you now. You're right, this is GVHD. So you had a couple of biopsies done in Portland. That's exactly what it was. So we started the steroid cream treatment, as you mentioned, right away, and at first it was a dab under your eye and we even joked about you looking like Prince Zuko from Avatar yeah, that's right. On a mission to catch the Avatar, that red mark under your eye at first.

Speaker 2 8:15

No, I love it. He would joke with me and talk to me like Uncle Iroh from that show. He'd say, Thomas, you need to relax and have a calming cup of jasmine tea.

Speaker 1 8:27

I would. My impression of El Cairo was not as good as yours, but, as these things sometimes do, it became less funny pretty quickly. That little rash, as I mentioned, under your eye, was the beginning, and it spread and kept spreading until it covered your entire body.

Speaker 2 8:42

Yeah, it went from just our little silly Prince Zuko mark to feeling like my entire skin was on fire.

Speaker 1 8:49

You mean, like the fires and the cracks of doom and Mordor.

Speaker 2 8:54

Nice transition.

Speaker 1 8:55

Thank you, Well played well played.

Speaker 1 8:57

Well, before we delve further into the Two Towers analogy and the idea of battles, which comes up quite a bit, we do want to acknowledge that the language around cancer is personal. So while we're using terms like battle, because they align with the narrative of the two towers, which, of course, is full of conflict, we understand that this terminology doesn't resonate with everyone. Our intention is to honor all experiences, so if battle or fighting language doesn't feel right for you, perhaps lean into the journey or adventure terminology as you think about our experience and your own. Ultimately, this is all about the immense strength and resilience shown as people navigate cancer treatment.

Speaker 2 9:36

Definitely yeah. It's about the courage and strength shown each day.

Speaker 1 9:40

With that said, on to Mordor. We march To Mordor. Proud of me for doing all these Lord of the Rings references.

Speaker 2 9:46

I am. I've never been more proud than you, single tear.

Speaker 1 9:50

Anyway, for Thomas, the GVHD has been uncomfortable and disheartening after everything he's already been through he had the bone marrow transplant, cranial spinal radiation and that's where the Two Towers has really resonated with us lately. In the movie and the book, our heroes are facing threats on multiple fronts. We have Frodo and Sam who are continuing their arduous journey towards Mordor, while Aragorn, legolas and Gimli are battling the forces of Saruman at Helm's Deep. It feels like Thomas is facing his own two towers right now. We have this lingering threat of cancer and now this battle with GVHD that comes and goes and gets harder and easier as you respond to different types of treatment.

Speaker 2 10:33

Yeah, yeah, for sure. And it can feel overwhelming to be fighting on two fronts simultaneously. You finally feel like you've overcome one major obstacle and then another one pops up, Like you're constantly pushing uphill, and just when you think you've reached the crest, you see another peak in the distance. It's like there's a false summit I think we've talked about before.

Speaker 1 10:56

South Sister.

Speaker 2 10:56

Yeah, south Sister, and you think you're just about there. And then you get over the ridge and you have another mile worth of mountain in front of you.

Speaker 1 11:06

Ah, there's another mountain.

Speaker 2 11:07

Yes.

Speaker 1 11:08

A secret mountain we didn't know was there Exactly. And in these moments, when you're facing setbacks, it's easy to feel like you're going backwards, and we've definitely had those days. There's that scene in the Two T towers where Frodo and Sam are captured and brought back to a town called Osgiliath. They've made so much progress, they've endured so much hardship and yet they find themselves sidetracked and further away from their goal and mission. Take four steps forward and three steps back. Two steps forward and then five steps back.

Speaker 2 11:41

You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.

Speaker 1 11:45

That's what it's all about.

Speaker 2 11:46

That is what it's all about. All joking aside though, the feeling of regression can be super tough on your spirit. I mean, you pour so much energy and hope into moving forward, and when you feel like you're losing ground, it can definitely feel discouraging.

Speaker 1 12:03

Totally, and that's when the importance of hope really shines through. Even in the darkest moments of the Two Towers, there are glimmers of hope that keep the characters going. Think about Sam's unwavering loyalty to Frodo, or one of my favorite scenes ever, the arrival of Gandalf with the riders of Rohan at the 11th hour at the Battle of Helm's Deep, which is a million miles away from Sam and Frodo but happening at the same time.

Speaker 2 12:28

For sure one of the most powerful quotes from Sam and the Two Towers along when he says to Frodo Are you ready for this?

Speaker 1 12:36

The most epic quote of all of cinematic history? No pressure.

Speaker 2 12:42

No pressure, and it's in like an Irish accent.

Speaker 1 12:44

Okay, so this is Sam Tall order.

Speaker 2 12:47

It's like in the great stories, Mr Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end, because how could the end be happy, how could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

Speaker 1 13:04

But in the end.

Speaker 2 13:05

It's only a passing thing. This shadow, even darkness, must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines, it will shine out all the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, mr Frodo, I do understand. I know now Folk in those stories had lots of chances to turn them back. Only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something.

Speaker 1 13:36

And Frodo asks what are we holding on to Sam?

Speaker 2 13:41

That there's some good in this world, Mr Frodo, and it's worth fighting for.

Speaker 1 13:47

Totally nailed it, thomas. Oh, I just love that scene where they're in this place of so much setback and yet Sam has this epiphany and this really encouraging motivational thing that he tells Frodo is basically pump up speech, and we've actually watched this little clip several times before and it's just such a good reminder to keep holding onto the good. And that's what we're going to dive into now as we talk about our key takeaways as they relate to this movie and book, the Two Towers. Okay, takeaway number one is to seek the good in the world. That quote, thomas, gets me every time, and this brings us to our first takeaway.

Speaker 1 14:32

Even when you're facing what feels like insurmountable odds, remember that there is still good, still something worth striving for that can be a lifeline, and for us, a huge part of that good worth fighting for is our love and our marriage. It's this incredibly powerful and special connection that has been such a constant source of strength throughout this journey. Even in the hardest times, we find these little moments to appreciate it. Some people ask us how have you done it? I think you've been in treatment since last July and we've spent a lot of time together, but we enjoy it.

Speaker 2 15:08

It's like a never-ending slumber party. We just have fun and we get to go to bed in the same place and wake up and have fun all over again. I don't know Me and you are just goofy people.

Speaker 1 15:22

We are goofy Now, don't get us wrong. There are days in the hospital during transplant there was not goofiness, there was not smiling or laughing, just due to the nature of the extreme discomfort. But we have been able to find those moments of joy again, and sometimes those moments of connection are found in the most unexpected places, for example, back to when gvhd was affecting your skin and it still is but when it was really bad, I had to rub the steroid cream all over your body twice a day. It was very time consuming, but it's never bothered me and we decided to make it ours.

Speaker 1 15:56

We created this special playlist of our favorite songs, ones that make us laugh and bring back really good memories from our relationship. A lot of Thomas Rhett in there. Love us some, thomas Rhett. Oh yeah, in fact, one of our favorite songs in our steroid cream songs oh my gosh, we're getting vulnerable here is a Thomas Rhett's Sand song, and we often sing it as rash. So when it says covered in sand, he's talking about being on the beach. We changed the word sand for covered in rash.

Speaker 2 16:26

I'm not going to sing it.

Speaker 1 16:28

I'm going to spare you from my singing voice, but even though it's about managing a really challenging symptom, we found ourselves laughing and connecting during these moments. It's become a ritual, a little pocket of joy in the day that we still do. Okay, should we tell them about the Saruman connection?

Speaker 2 16:45

Heck, yeah, we should. For context, the cream felt very cold so as a way to mentally prepare myself, Lindsay would impersonate Saruman from Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 1 16:56

Yes. So if you haven't seen Lord of the Rings, there's this super bad guy named Saruman and he asked orcs also bad characters for those of you who know the books you're cringing right now but super basic Saruman, bad orcs, gross and bad. And he would ask the orcs in one of the scenes. He would say whom do you serve, whom do you serve? And the orc leader would reply in this one scene, saruman. So that's what we do.

Speaker 2 17:26

Yeah, after this, the orcs, specifically the Uruk-hai, put white paint on their hands and put their handprints on each other. That was like the insignia, so to speak, of Saruman, showing that, yeah, they were working for this guy so that's what I do.

Speaker 1 17:43

The cream is white, so I put it on my hands and I say the, whom do you serve? And then I put my the handprints of the white on you and we laugh every time. I say saruman, then you do it uh never gets old.

Speaker 2 17:59

Yeah, definitely so. Anyways, even as we face these two towers of cancer and GVHD, those moments of connection and finding joy together become like little beacons of light in the darkness. They remind us of what we're fighting for and give us strength to keep us going even when the shadows feel long.

Speaker 1 18:20

Exactly, and that daily ritual built around the physical connection and dedicated time for each other is a little reminder of the love that's absolutely worth fighting for in all the big and small moments. By the way, I hope this wasn't TMI for our listeners all this talk of cream and Revolution of my body.

Speaker 2 18:38

Yeah, oh my gosh.

Speaker 1 18:41

So again, I'm sorry if this was TMI for you. Hopefully it wasn't.

Speaker 2 18:46

It really illustrates the point that even in the midst of difficulty and uncertainty we can actively seek out and create those moments of joy and connection. We can cultivate the good in the world, and one of the ways we did that was through absurdity.

Speaker 1 19:01

Which is our second takeaway. You probably weren't thinking that absurdity would be one of the takeaways for such a serious topic as this is.

Speaker 2 19:09

And it was absurd to think that.

Speaker 1 19:11

It was so. Takeaway two is seek absurdity. I'm reading a book called the Power of Fun, and the author, catherine Price, integrates a lot of brain-based and science-based strategies that are rooted in positive psychology, and she actually talks about a strategy to cultivate true fun that she calls seeking absurdity.

Speaker 2 19:37

Yeah, I think that's one of the playing. We call it playing volleyball, when we joke back and forth and just kind of like an improv type of way, and I was like, oh my gosh, I've met, you know, someone that likes to do this too and is willing to play with me, which is also rooted in science.

Speaker 1 19:57

I know I'm ruining the moment, but there katherine price, in her book the power of fun, also talks about what true fun is. You know, fake fun can be that passive consumption think doom scrolling or watching hours of netflix, which we've totally done. So not to say we don't do that, but they have their time and place.

Speaker 1 20:14

But true fun is something that she calls it's a culmination of three elements playful, connected, flow.

Speaker 1 20:21

So I think when you're going through something really hard, if you're able to find moments of ways to be playful, find things that are silly about what's in your environment, when you're connected to another person in a close relationship, very close, spending 24-7 time together, which I love when you're doing these things, and then when you're so focused and present in the moment, it almost creates this sense of flow where you lose track of time.

Speaker 1 20:46

That's when you have true fun. And one of those elements that can help you become more of a fun magnet, as we mentioned, is absurdity, and she talks about, yes, one of these core elements of having fun is appreciating the absurd. So in her book she says things that are absurd are illogical and a bit ridiculous, which makes absurdity a welcome escape from our goal-driven approach to life. In our case, just the treatment-focused next step infusions, appointments relapse when you're able to kind of escape that. She mentions that absurdity makes us laugh and then laughter attracts fun. So, in short, the more absurdity you can notice, experience and create, the more true fun that you're likely to have.

Speaker 2 21:29

That's awesome. Hearing you say ridiculous reminds me of Harry Potter.

Speaker 1 21:33

Oh no, Can you actually talk about Harry Potter in a Lord of the Rings episode?

Speaker 2 21:38

It's a little blasphemous, I'll say We'll make an exception.

Speaker 1 21:42

We'll make an exception.

Speaker 2 21:43

Yeah, so Professor Lupin has his class Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Speaker 1 21:49

Is Lupin the? Okay, this would be a spoiler, but you've had lots of years to watch Harry Potter. Is Lupin the werewolf? Yeah, he's a werewolf. Okay, cool, I'm with you no-transcript.

Speaker 2 22:07

I don't know.

Speaker 1 22:08

British accent version Right.

Speaker 2 22:10

It becomes basically whatever you fear the most, and so it's kind of a creepy deal, and he teaches them this spell called Ridiculous, which turns it into something that's actually funny to them rather than scary.

Speaker 1 22:22

What was one example Like? Was Ron afraid of spiders, and so then when he does the spell, the spider has like a bunch of roller skates on the legs Right, yeah, exactly. And one of the students is afraid of Snape. So then, when they do the spell, snape's wearing what Women's clothing or something.

Speaker 2 22:38

Yeah, he's wearing his grandmother's clothing or whatever.

Speaker 1 22:40

Yeah, yes, I've been doing that for the little earwigs. When I've been out working in the backyard I've seen these little. Oh my gosh, I hate them. I don't know earwig spiders. They're both pretty bad, but I imagine that your little top hats on them lately and that just makes it way better. So I think it's a good, a good distraction, a good ridiculous that helps you face something that's really hard in a adaptive way. Nice positive psychology in action in harry potter.

Speaker 1 23:09

So, circling back to the good in the world, you know, in addition to the absurd, we had mentioned seeking good in an episode actually our one about kindness, back around Christmas time, we can look for and be inspired by the good in those around us, and there have been so many people our nurses, doctors, other patients, friends, family and coworkers who have truly demonstrated the goodness of humanity. And also, like the time that our dear friend Char and her wonderful volunteers from After School Buddies actually organized a garage sale for us to help with medical bills so cool, so talk about goodness. That was really amazing of them and we've appreciated those types of things.

Speaker 2 23:47

Huge shout out to Char and the garage sale crew. We thank you and salute you and really really appreciate everything you've been doing.

Speaker 1 23:55

Totally, and thank you to the nurses who were absurd with us. On Halloween we dressed up as Dunder Mifflin warehouse workers and we had a bunch of extra fake mustaches, like stick-on mustaches. So a couple of our nurses came in and we asked them if they wanted mustaches and they laughed about it. And then they're like totally. So they put mustaches on their masks on their face and they wore them around. It was so nice in solidarity.

Speaker 2 24:22

Right, it's awesome. We were like how are they going to wear these? They've masks on. Yeah, it's probably silly, it's dumb to even offer, and they stuck it on the outside and it's like right on, they found a way.

Speaker 1 24:33

Which was a great idea. So we put mustaches on our masks.

Lord of the Rings Journey Continues

Speaker 1 24:37

And then, even after Halloween, we walked around the floor and we wear our masks with the mustaches on it, and there were so many people who would laugh out loud because it was so absurd seeing.

Speaker 1 24:48

You know, you were holding your IV pole and experiencing quite a bit of discomfort and we're just, you know, walking around in this kind of slower pace, but yet we're wearing these crazy, you know mustache masks. So it'll bring joy to yourself and it also will hopefully inspire others to have some more true fun by seeing your playful side. Okay, let's transition to our third and final takeaway, which is focusing on what you can control. So the act of seeking of the good, both within our own connection and in the kindness of others, becomes even more vital when we acknowledge that so much of this journey feels outside of our direct control. Which brings us to our next point focusing on what we can influence, even when facing overwhelming circumstances. This point focusing on what we can influence even when facing overwhelming circumstances this point about focusing on what we can control really resonates with the themes in the Two Towers. Even amidst all the massive world-ending events happening, the characters find agency in small personal choices.

Speaker 2 25:45

Yeah, definitely. I think about Frodo and the immense burden of the ring, something so far beyond his control. He didn't choose that it would come into his life, but he chose to carry the burden all the way to Mordor.

Speaker 1 25:57

The ring life chose him. The ring life chose him powerful force came into his life. We see these small acts of choice that Frodo makes. That speaks volumes, Even Sam's loyalty, his determination to stay by Frodo's side, one day at a time. These are choices that Sam actively makes as well.

Speaker 2 26:21

Yeah, there's that moment when they're climbing down a cliff and Sam drops the little box. I love this one and Frodo catches it, he's like what's in this? And Sam replies with such simple hope nothing, just a bit of seasoning. I thought if we were having a roast chicken one night or something.

Speaker 1 26:37

Roast chicken. That's why I think Frodo says that Like what? In the middle of their Say what, say what. In the middle of this terrifying journey, we see this poignant moment. Here they are facing unimaginable danger. Is Smeagol in the back, or Gollum, I guess?

Speaker 2 26:54

Yeah, Smeagol or Gollum, either one.

Speaker 1 26:57

Heard it both ways.

Speaker 2 26:58

Heard it both ways.

Speaker 1 26:59

So he's lurking somewhere and Sam's clinging onto this little piece of normalcy, this small comfort and possibility.

Speaker 2 27:06

Yeah, sam with his box of salt beautifully illustrates the idea of agency. Like Sam and Frodo can't just wish the ring away, they can't single-handedly defeat Sauron's armies. But Sam can control whether he brings a little bit of the Shire with him, that hope for a simple meal, a taste of home.

Speaker 1 27:26

And this is a tiny act of agency in the face of utter powerlessness. That moment with Sam and the seasoning, that desire for a future normalcy in the face of utter chaos, really reminds me of when we were in the hospital for those really long stretches, so much felt completely out of our hands the treatment protocols you know, the chemo, radiation, the side effects you were having and, ultimately, the unpredictable nature of everything.

Speaker 2 27:53

It was like being in a completely alien landscape, so far removed from our cozy home and bed.

Speaker 1 27:59

Exactly, and I remember how we tried to bring a little bit of Shire, so to speak, into our sterile hospital room. We filled it with pillows, we put up inspirational posters, we brought in fake plants and several nurses were like you can't have those in here because they looked so real. Compliments to target fake plants. We also had lamps to soften the harsh lighting, and we also. One of our favorite things was having this jazzy music playing in the background.

Speaker 2 28:24

A little U2 lo-fi.

Speaker 1 28:26

Lo-fi.

Speaker 2 28:27

Yeah, all of this was our attempt to make a little oasis in the middle of a medical storm. You know, it was about creating space where we could breathe a little easier, a visual reminder of home and the life we were fighting to get back to, and that feeling of having some control, even in that small environment.

Speaker 1 28:44

It was so important for our emotional well-being and we actually recently made a YouTube video with practical tips on how to do this how to create your own healing hospital environment. It's part of our hospital hack series on YouTube and you can find it linked in the show notes or in the description below, and this highlights how you can focus on what you can control, how you can cultivate both agency and autonomy while you're going through a medical journey that feels very much out of your control.

Speaker 2 29:13

Now that we're back in Bend, we're still finding ways to focus on things within our control, while the big outcomes with cancer and GVHD feel somewhat out of our direct control. We've honed in on what we can manage. For me, that's been prioritizing our emotional well-being, making sure we have our weekly therapy, zoom calls, process, everything you know.

Speaker 1 29:34

Also exercising, going on walks together around the neighborhood, making our healthy smoothies, nourishing our body, and one of the things that you have not been able to control for a long time was going into public places. Your doctor said absolutely not, and we let her know it's such a balance. We're trying to adhere to all these protocols of quarantining and having social distancing because it's important for his immune system, and yet we're in a place where we're trying to balance that with his and my emotional well-being, and not being able to go to any stores has been such a challenge. So his transplant doctor saw that we were trying to face this whole balancing act and she told Thomas that he could go into Costco, as long as it was right before they closed or early in the morning when they open, and that was a pretty big life-changing thing right when you could go to Costco.

Speaker 2 30:28

Oh man, that was like the best day of the month when that happened. I was so stoked. I still remember that day.

Speaker 1 30:36

Just walking down the aisles.

Speaker 2 30:37

Oh the freedom it felt good. Granted, I still had to wear an N95 mask, but it was just glorious to be not waiting in the car.

Speaker 1 30:48

Like a dog, like a dog. Windows rolled down.

Speaker 2 30:51

I've been doing that for months.

Speaker 1 30:52

It was good to have you with me walking down those aisles again.

Speaker 1 30:56

Yep and Thomas, it's been really inspiring that even on the days when you're so anemic it's even hard for you to walk. Sometimes you have your epic cane that's wooden, that's carved into a line. It's pretty epic. And even on those days when you're having to use your cane, you still maintain control over your attitude. I mean, it's not. Of course you have ups and downs we all do but there are so many days when you have this agency over your attitude. You bring humor into hard moments and your ability to choose gratitude and have a positive perspective, even when facing physical challenges, is very inspiring to me.

Speaker 2 31:31

I feel like I couldn't do it without you, so thank you. Of course, that's another roast chicken seasoning moment Finding the small ways to exert agency and cultivate a sense of peace even when the larger journey feels overwhelming.

Speaker 1 31:45

It's what keeps us grounded and moving forward. So, to close, let's go back to Sam's beautiful words, a sentiment that has carried us through so many dark moments.

Speaker 2 31:57

Even darkness must pass and a new day will come, and when the sun shines, it'll shine out all the clearer.

Speaker 1 32:05

That quote encapsulates so much of what we've been talking about today in this episode the reality of the challenges, the unwavering hope for brighter days and the idea that going through hardship can actually make the good times even more meaningful.

Speaker 2 32:20

It reminds me of Psalm 30, verse 5, that says Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning.

Speaker 1 32:26

I love that. That highlights the temporary nature of the difficult times and the enduring presence of hope and peace. Not to minimize the difficult times. It's a both and Both. We have these challenging times and we can have hope that there will be joy in our future. It also brings to mind for me another song that we love by Thomas Rhett, called Up. It's even on our steroid cream playlist. It's a popular track and it perfectly captures that feeling of he says in one of the quote not quotes one of the lines. He says you can't soak up the sun. If you've never been stuck in the storm, you can't appreciate money.

Speaker 2 33:05

You can't appreciate money until you've been so broke. It ain't funny.

Speaker 1 33:10

We're all kids sitting on a seesaw or something like that yeah, with the ups and downs. I have a dear friend of mine who has walked through a lot of challenging seasons of life and she said that when you go through hard times, the sunsets become even sweeter.

Speaker 2 33:27

Wow.

Speaker 1 33:28

You have a birthday coming up this week. You're going to be turning 36. And I think previously we used to say things like oh, I'm getting older and I can't believe I'm getting closer to age 40. I just want to be in my 20s. But we look at birthdays differently now.

Speaker 2 33:45

Yeah, we do.

Speaker 1 33:47

I used to joke about oh, I'm getting old or whatever.

Speaker 2 33:50

But now I'm like, oh my gosh, I survived another year. This is awesome, I'll take it.

Speaker 1 33:55

Every year is a gift. I'm happy to turn 36. It changes, it means.

Speaker 2 33:59

I'm winning.

Speaker 1 34:01

It really does. It changes how you look at the good sunny moments, how they become sweeter and more meaningful when it's in the context of all the challenging ones too.

Speaker 2 34:12

And, just like the dawn breaking after the long night in Middle Earth, we hold onto that hope for healing and for more time together, for those clearer, brighter days ahead, knowing that God's favor is ultimately what sustains us.

Speaker 1 34:24

So, as we conclude today's episode, we want to leave you with that thought, even in the midst of your own two towers. Those times when you're facing setbacks, remember that darkness will not last forever. Here are three takeaways from this episode. Number one seek the good in the world. Find and cherish the moments of joy, connection and kindness, even in challenging times. Number two on a lighter note, seek absurdity or silly things. The more absurdity you notice, experience and create, the more true fun and laughter you're likely to have.

Speaker 2 34:58

I think the apex of absurdity is like Monty Python.

Speaker 1 35:04

Oh, I don't know if that one resonates with me as much I guess we all have our own.

Speaker 2 35:07

You do agree that it is?

Speaker 1 35:09

absurd though.

Speaker 2 35:09

Oh, textbook.

Speaker 1 35:11

It's just too absurd, though, textbook it's just too absurd, perhaps A little much for me, but I appreciate it. Finally, focus on what you can control, identify and act on the small areas where you have agency, as these can bring peace and a sense of purpose.

Speaker 2 35:30

And trust that even after the longest night, the sun will indeed shine out the clearer, and joy will come in the morning.

Speaker 1 35:34

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If this resonated with you, if it brought a smile to your face, or if you think someone in your life who's going through some setbacks could benefit from it, feel free to share a link to this episode. Hopefully, it will give them a sense of hope as well. Thanks again for listening to this episode and we will talk with you soon.

Speaker 2 35:54

Take care.